4th November 2023
Report by: Tom Faerber
“What’s that shadow over there? That Simba is Wales, you should never go there”
A storm had been brewing. The UKs hurricane was sweeping through the south coast leaving a wake of destruction and chaos. Spirits were down made only worse by Ollie dropping Coopers missus for the first time in her 3yr uni career, meaning Coops had to drive himself solo to the game. What happens at UWE…
The mayhem only continued with the Welsh rugby “heroes” hanging their boots up for the 20th time against the WC rejects meaning the Orange Lions had to leave even earlier from Mango and get caught in the hurricane. Terrible weather and a purely ridiculous 20 zone that says it’s 30 just makes these journeys an absolute ball-ache. Play rugby on another day; the only sporting update I need is waking up to hype from Si Barrett every weekend.
The Orange Lions were forced a change of strip to become Mountain Lions with Coops trying to wear the Heskey strip. Yes we get it, you watched the Beckham documentary.
The game began and the Lions were out the cages, hungry for blood. Tikka tacca hockey crying Barcelona in the shadow of the Ballon D’Or, JJ broke the D and won a short. The skies had opened up pre game leaving a delightfully slick surface. Coops meanders to the injection spot, lines up and does his Biggarena conversion set up. Gazzo, flexing the legs and giving the defenders in the goal the eyes. Always flirting. Faerbs is standing over Gaz, that relationship has got very close in recent weeks. A dress or something. It’s all got very confusing. A pin point delivery from coops nestled into Gazzos stick who’s caressed it gently over the line, he’s good with his hands this man. Faerbs in a twerk like fashion comes through like a steam train collecting the ball. With a straight line low trajectory towards the legs; which Gazzos has managed to open up from his seductive aura, sends the ball into the back of the net. It wasn’t pretty but every goal has a hole. Gazzo blows a kiss to the keeper. It’s got a cute star crossed lovers feeling to it. 2mins played, up the Lions!
Then there was a lot of rain and outrageous decisions by everyone on the pitch. And that’s about as far as hockey goes today. Faerbs had some choice words for the umpire giving him a 2min rest. Chaz had some choice words for himself and had a shouting match on his own. Ollie basically killed someone given the reaction of the umpires and had a 2min break as well, which Cooper very much enjoyed. Some other bits happened, Wayne got a bit angry, Hazelwood probably scored an own goal.
We played Cardiff by the way and came second. 7-1 seconds.
JJ then proceeded to leave the boot open on the way home and all the kit falling out the back. Cooper drove past and just laughed.
Craving a pint, the boys sacked off Cardiff and ended up in the only reasonable establishment in the West, Cleve rugby club. That was a super low, we’ll be back. The Lions roar will be heard!
Kian got MoM. Faerbs took DoD is probably out on another 5am bender in fancy dress.