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The Rocky 5s?

15th October 2022

Westbury 4 [3-6] Bristol and West 5

Report by Andrew McCann

After earning a perfect zero points from the first two games, our confidence could not have been higher as we made the trip over to Coombe Dingle. The tubthumping fives may get knocked down but we get back up again. Would the opposition West-bury us? We were not going to give up without a fight.

I took a ride to the match in the Babermobile alongside stand in keeper Pring where I was introduced to a pre-game hype song, Live to Win. At this point in the season, we would commit a felony just for a draw. Was our “manager” going to throw in the towel or would his turning up to a game provide us the luck we’ve been missing. In a week where the chancellor was fired, would Baber also be receiving his p45.

We started the day with a training montage warm-up, although instead of running up flights upon flights of stairs, we passed the ball around a bit while occasionally wildly hitting a ball at the goal.

Our optimism was perhaps not well placed as we conceded an early goal. Luckily, we managed to gain a goal back quite quickly through the Don. Or did we? The umpire was busy looking at something, maybe it was a bird, maybe it was a plane or maybe it was the low hanging sun.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t the game as he somehow managed to miss the ball going into the net. Whilst a trip to Specsavers may have been advisable, luckily for us the umpire was willing to listen to everyone else on the pitch and award the goal before Don gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Steven has some excellent positioning and despite valiantly attempting to miss every cross that came to him, he eventually gave up and scored a delicious tap-in with an assist from Matt.

We ended the half with a 3-2 lead and like Risk Astley, we were never gonna give it up.

Further goals from Steven and Sam left us in a great position and then it happened.

In the last play of the game we were awarded a penalty corner and managed to do the unthinkable. We scored it. Incredibly, David Attenbaber was on hand to film this rare moment of natural beauty.

Final Score 6-3

Goals: Don x2, Steven x2, Sam x2

Assists: Sam x2, Matt, Jason, Don, Ollie


A special most improved award goes to Matt Swannell for playing a game without falling over every two minutes.

Man of the match, Cool like a fridge, Smeg

Defender of the Day, Players do what he says, Steve Barter

Parsnip of the day, delicious roasted with honey, Joe Pring

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